MAYBE IT WAS A CURSE, naming your kid after two dead fathers. maybe she’d just had too much happiness, and the universe had decided to pull some bullshit to ‘restore the balance’. it sure seemed like lorelai was never allowed to be happy for long. she wasn’t even sure what’d happened, this had all gone so F A S T. it’d been a beautiful sunny day, so it seemed only natural that a trip to the park was in order. lorelai couldn’t remember rory having this much energy at four, but that’d been so long ago. and it didn’t matter all that much anyway, her son was lively, and happy, and bright. she loved him more than all the stars in the universe. she loved having a family. a real, happy family, with a husband, and two kids, and more love than she knew what to do with. she should’ve taken it as some metaphorical sign when clouds had begun to roll in. eyes had flickered between the dark, ominous clouds and her precious boy, bouncing around on the playground without a care in the world. and then he’d slipped. and she’d been running. he’d hit his head, there was no blood or anything but something deep down told lorelai to get to the hospital. she scooped liam in her arms, moving as fast as she could to the car, trying to keep calm as she calculated the best route in her head. then she was off, and she was calling luke, trying not to sound hysterical —- kids fell all the time. kids hit their heads all the time. but something in her GUT said this was different.
the rest of the night passed by in a blur, a flash of speed and world ending grandeur —- and so slow all at once. as if none of this were really happening, she was just d r e a m i n g. she held her son’s hand, she didn’t let up even as he complained that it was too tight. she shared worried glances with her husband as doctors took their boy to run test after test. they held each other close while cheap cups of hospital coffee went cold on the table beside them. they waited with baited breath as the doctor suggested they move liam to a more private room. and they did —- his parents left without answers as they continued to sit by their son’s side. then finally the doctor returned, two nurses at his side —- and before they even said anything, she could FEEL the entire universe begin to crumble around her. one hand held to her sleeping son, the other to luke. and the words ‘we don’t think he’s going to wake up’ were uttered, sounding so fake as they rang in her ears. her breathing sped up, and hysterics returned as her husband moved away and began pestering the doctor with questions. lorelai’s mind was BLANK as she moved to hold one of liam’s small little hands in both of hers. the rise and fall of his chest was consistent ( but they’d hooked him to machines that breathed for him ). still, he LOOKED fine. he’d just hit his head, how had that lead to t h i s?
luke returned to her side, explaining that they could leave their son on life support for as long as they wanted, and his composure finally cracked as he said the words: but he’s not coming back. she pried her eyes from liam’s face to glance at luke, her head shaking vehemently. no, no, no. it wasn’t supposed to be like this. they’d been through too much. they’d miraculously beat the odds in liam being here at all ( and so h e a l t h y, too ), the diner fire and the town pitching together to rebuild so the danes family could worry about their SON. and the last four years had been so beautiful. they’d seen him walk, his first word had been ‘dad’ ( lorelai remembered joking about being disappointed that it hadn’t been coffee ), he was so ALIVE. he was their son. she had a son, with luke. it was beautiful. it was FADING. tears finally sprang to her eyes as the realization that her world was forever changing. she buried her face in her husband’s chest, and they both cried. it seemed like hours later that they sat, with puffy red eyes, talking in low voices. discussing what to do. the answer was simple, and heart wrenching: they’d call rory. they’d call her mom. they’d call april. they’d wait for all of them to get here, and then they’d all say goodbye together.
lorelai’s head rested on luke’s shoulder, her hands still holding to their son ( luke’s hand rested on his head, it was the closest to a hug they could manage ). rory showed up first, and lorelai managed to break away from her husband and son to embrace her daughter, unashamed at the sobs that came the moment she was in rory’s arms. then it was the four of them, sitting in silence, as lorelai thought back on the day. was this all her fault? should she have been watching him more closely? should she have been playing with him? could she have stopped this? could she have SAVED him? tears seemed to be the common theme between the adults in the room, as none of them spoke a word. what was there to say? her mother came next, and lorelai found herself crying in her MOTHER’S arms, muttering broken apologies for what an awful daughter she’d always been. again, the silence returned, all of them holding hands, a circle, with liam connecting them. april was the last to arrive, and lorelai watched as her husband broke down. she felt her heart constrict as reality hit: this was it. this was the end.
the doctor returned, sending the group into the hallway so they could disconnect the life support. they were allowed back in, with a soft reminder that they’d have a few minutes until his heart stopped altogether. a few minutes to really say goodbye. april went first, offering a few touching sentiments that lorelai barely heard. she moved to stand at luke’s side once she’d finished, and emily gilmore stepped up for her turn. lorelai attempted to keep her mind from straying from the regret of all the pain she’d ever caused her mother as she watched her speaking so softly to her grandson ( it didn’t go well ). then it was rory’s turn, and lorelai felt her heart shatter —- she’d always wanted rory to have a sibling, it hadn’t ever been a possibility when she’d been young. but now she did. now she had one. now she had one, and he was ALMOST GONE. it was with the racing of her heart that lorelai realized it was time for her and luke to say their goodbyes. she didn’t even notice as the others left the room, it didn’t matter. slowly she stepped forward, luke at her side, and they knelt at the side of liam’s bed. for the first time in hours, tears seemed to have ceased as they held their boy, whispers of 'i love you’ and 'i’m so sorry’ repeating on the air. they only had moments left, as they each elected to share a favorite memory. lorelai’s heart melted as luke recounted holding their son for the first time —- how happy he’d been. how proud. she felt hot tears streaming down her face once more as she began to speak.
“i —- i remember your last birthday. the entire town decided to throw you a surprise party. dinosaur themed, because they’re your favorite. miss patty even choreographed a dinosaur themed dance. kirk dressed up as a dinosaur, and you were so amazed. i remember you running to me, and your dad, with every gift you opened —- you were so excited to show them to us. then it was time for you to open our gift. it was just a bunch of books about dinosaurs. you couldn’t even read yet, but the way your eyes lit up when you pulled off the wrapping paper was my favorite part of the whole day. well, until you ran over, a–and you hugged us,” voice cracked, thick with emotion as she reached the end, “and you said 'i love you mommy and daddy’. and we just held you there until you started to squirm, because it was time for cake. i just remember knowing how much you meant it, and knowing how much we love you,” god what she wouldn’t give to hear those words one more time. head rested on luke’s shoulder as they both cried, and she marveled at the thought that they had any tears left just as the monitors let out one last chirp. one last heartbeat. then the steady tone taunting them, echoing the reminder that their son was GONE. there would be no more 'i love yous’, no more pealing laughter as he ran around the house, nothing. just nothing. nothing but the giant hole she already felt. the hole where her son had been.
liam was dead, and part of her had gone with him.
i guess u can kill ppl lorelai loves || @ldcnes || accepting if u want hearts to break
